Many years ago, when mobile phones were new and rare, I sat in one of
my clients’ offices with a gentleman I had invited to meet my client. Just a
few minutes into our visit, a phone rang. The guest reached into his attaché case
and pulled out a phone. “Just a minute. I need to take this,” he announced as
he pressed the button to answer the call; a smug look on his face that told us he
wanted us to understand we weren’t quite as important as him at that moment. I was
shocked!
My client and I looked at each other in disbelief as this socially inept
would-be celebrity sat and
Fast-forward
20 Years
By this time, practically everyone had a mobile phone and many had
figured out some of the basic points of etiquette surrounding the use of these
devices. I was at a lunch appointment with someone I had known for years, but with
whom I had not visited for some time. It had taken us a number of attempts to
set a workable lunch appointment. There we were…finally ready to visit and
catch up. Then that familiar electronic noise of a mobile phone ringtone filled
the air.
I have to admit, I was a little surprised when my lunch mate answered
the phone. After all, my phone had been silenced when I entered the restaurant.
But the bigger shock came as I sat in silence for over 20 minutes listening to
one side of a relatively meaningless conversation. By the time the call ended,
half our available time to visit was gone.
Ah,
the Good Ol’ Days
Do you remember the days of uninterrupted
visits with friends, meaningful
conversations with loved ones, and productive
business meetings where focus was an expected mindset of all participants? I do. And it bothers me—a lot— that we’ve
let technology dictate our bad habits and poor manners to the point we’re not
even fully present with the people around whom we spend time.
At some point along this journey of disgust at our willingness to be
discourteous to each other, I began making a statement I have now repeated an
untold number of times: The most
important person is the one in front of you.
It doesn’t matter if the person is your young child sharing the details
of his adventures of the day, your top-paying client who needs your attention
on a burning issue, or a complete stranger with whom you have engaged in
conversation. People come first. And
the person who is looking at you and expecting your attention matters more than
any of the other dozens or hundreds who may, at any time, call or otherwise
impose themselves into your current situation.
Setting
Some Ground Rules for Ourselves
Does this mean we can’t answer our mobile phones or text messages
without an appointment first being set? Of course not. But it does mean we need
to set some ground rules to which we can consistently adhere and, in the
process, help those with whom we spend face-time feel the level of importance
they deserve.
Everyone’s situation is different. We each need to arrive at our own
set of rules. As a starting point for
consideration, here are a few thoughts…
When we have scheduled
appointments with people—not just clients, but family members, friends, and
others—we simply do not respond to distractions. There may be those times we
need to begin a meeting or other scheduled interaction with an up-front
agreement that there may be a call or other disruption we are expecting that
will need to be attended to; but make
those situations the rare exception and not the rule.
When we’re around others, but not in a setting of a formal appointment,
we need to use discretion. Why are we with the people we are with? How does our
interaction with them rank in importance with the interactions we may have
through phone, text message, email, or social media conversations? If the
non-present people or matters can wait, let them wait. (And it’s amazing how
many of them can wait without any
adverse outcome to anyone.)
A Hallmark of True Success
As we focus on people and more carefully manage our communications and
disruptions, we are seen as not only courteous, but as solid and successful. Successful people are in control of their situations. They are proactive, not reactive.
As we take control of our schedules, communications, and disruptions—and show
proper respect to those in our presence—we become people others want to be
around and with whom they desire to do business. Why? Strangely enough, it’s because
we’ve mastered skills that used to be relatively common in our society. Imagine that…a true, low-tech advantage
just lying there for those who choose to be mindful enough to pick it up and
engage it.
I challenge you to take control of your situation in this regard and
see the positive results that come from your thoughtful actions in making the person in front of you the most
important person in the world at any given moment. Try it. I know you’ll like
the outcome.
Bryan is a business builder who achieves rapid breakthroughs for his clients by identifying and addressing core issues and opportunities. He can be reached at bwpope@bwpope.com.
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Bryan is a business builder who achieves rapid breakthroughs for his clients by identifying and addressing core issues and opportunities. He can be reached at bwpope@bwpope.com.
